So today as every Tuesday morning until the impending nuptials, I hauled my cookies to the gym for my 7am training session. Oh yes, it sounds very celebutaunt, but in all reality, I am a sweaty, smelly, grunting beast while working out. Attractive I know. So today MFT (my favorite trainer) decided that I haven’t been working hard enough over the last month. I wonder if he has ever been in trouble with the law for attempted murder, as he practically killed me. I surely can’t be the first as he has been doing this a long time. Literally after every session I move like a cripple, but apparently MFT thinks I shouldn’t be able to move at all. Today we used this medieval torture device called the TRX Band. I used to like this TRX band - but after today, it has become my kryptonite.
Incase you don’t know what a TRX band is, here is a link with pictures.
I was sitting in my chair in my office for about the last hour and a half or so without moving working away, and I just tried to get up, almost tripped over my chair and fell in my assistants lap. Oops. I can’t move. I hate it today, but when I put on those skinny jeans (as in way skinner than I am now) I will be singing TRX praises! Until then, I will just go buy some Bengay!!! Loves
So once again I get up early and walk IN THE RAIN to the gym to meet with MFT. He was on a rampage this morning. Due to the events of last evening. Last evenings events: Apparently while leaving the gym in Queens last night (MFT teaches/trains all over the Burroughs) he was stopped by the cops. They asked why he had 2 sledge hammers and some rope with him, and he was like I use them in training (don’t even get me started on the hammers, he named the one I use Roscoe) Anyway - the cops apparently said it was like burglar stuff and gave him a citation to show up in court “in lieu of arrest”!!!! He wasn’t even doing anything - just walking home! So now he has to go to court in June to explain how he uses hammers and rope to train all these people. Ridiculous! I hate the cops sometimes, like isn’t there real crime they should be fighting??? MFT is one of the good guys! Today was exciting though - I had a gym breakthrough. I did pull ups!! YES!!!!! Inspiration: Linda Hamilton in T2 I used an 1.5” resistance band to help - I did a set of 8, then 6, then 4. Tomorrow I will not be able to move. Eventually I will go to a 1” band, then a .5” band, then on my own!! HOORAY!!!! New Years Resolution - to do 1 pull up unassisted - soon to be accomplished!
I just got up from my desk and immdiately crumpled all the way to the floor. All my coworker were like asking if I was okay….I tried to explain but they didn’t get it. Eventually one of them helped me to stand and I went to design, and now I am back in my chair freaked out about getting up again…..
Due to the extreeme workout of death yesterday - I am walking like a 95 year old woman. I cannot move.
So after a long weekend away it was even harder to crawl out of bed this morning. The fact that the fianc decided to sleep in 10 extra minutes wasn’t helping. I was just standing over the bed seething with jealousy as he slept away and I had to put on gym cltohes….anyway…. I get to the gym and MFT is not in our usual warm up spot. He is at the smyth press with all sorts of torturous devices. He opens up with not how was your weekend, how are you, but with have you seen the movie 300? Why yes I have….well I read about their workouts….oh Lord. We start by doing more Met Con (see last weeks post for definition). 20 minutes (feels like 3 hours when you are done) of craziness. There were rings dangling from the top of the Smyth press. I had to start in a squat and jump and try to hold myself up. 25 times. Then do 5 body builders (again see last weeks post for a definition) Then take a 25 lbs (we upgraded from the 17 lbs one) kettlebell and swing it up 25 times. Then do 5 bodybuilders. Then do squats while holding a 12 lbs bar overhead 25 times - but super low until my bootie touched the step box. Then 5 body builders. Then jump on top of the step box which had 5 risers underneath it 25 times. Trying to land without making any noise. Then 5 body builders. Then 25 push ups. Then 5 body builders. Then REPEAT. I was times. I did this in 23 minutes. I was dripping sweat everywhere. I swear my quads are still sore from last Thursday, so I was shaking while doing the squats. Out of control. After all this we continued on to do abs for the remainder of our time as I was reminded about summer/wedding/bathingsuits/that I paid for this/etc. I hope I can walk tomorrow.
So I wake up a little late and basically speed walk to the gym to get there by 7am. MFT has a master plan as always. Today started out relatively easy….3 sets of squat jumps for warm ups then on to the rowing machine Apparently this is a fitness test where you want to get 500 meters in a time less than 2:34. Plus you have to have like perfect form while doing it. I did my first set at 2:07 thank you very much! 2nd set when tired at 2:14 - which is still better than the original time! WOO HOO!!!! Then the torture begins… He straps what looks like a bullet proof vest on me, and tells me to 10 pushups, 15 squats, then run the freaking stairs in the gym 2x. 4 sets of this. Now this would probably be tiring on its own but with this crazy vest on me, it was ridiculous! He wouldn’t tell me how much weight was in it until after I was done because he said it would psych me out. So I do all 4 sets, by the last set I feel like I can’t breathe because of this crazy weight vest, plus I am dripping with sweat. Turns out it had 20 lbs in it! Last work out of the day - pull ups with the assisted band and these reverse sit up things on the bosu ball. Just to be clear - this is how it went 10 pull ups (dying) then 1 reverse crunch thing 9 pull ups then 2 reverse crunches 8 pull ups then 3 reverse crunches etc until I got to 1 pull up and 10 reverse crunches By the time I got to one my arms were shaking, I thought they honestly might snap off. It was crazy - it ends up being a total of like 55 of both!!!!!!! Meanwhile my hand is killing me (along with my abs, quads, lats, bi’s, tri’s, etc) anyway I get down from the bar and look at my hand and have the most ridiculous workout blister EVER!!! Won’t be able to blow dry my hair tomorrow, as my arms are STILL burning…..
I go to my beyond ghetto gym this morning (huge leak in the ladies locker room from all the rain, so instead of fixing it, they throw a pile of towels on the ground over it) to meet MFT.
We start by jumping rope for 1 minute intervals but only three times. First question out of my mouth, if I am only doing this three times, does that mean something ridiculously hard is coming later? He laughs that oh so evil laugh….
Met Con. Again.
20 minutes of madness.
10 push-ups. Not girly ones on my knees, but real terminator style push ups.
20 24lbs kettlebell swings
30 squats, all the way down to the ball where your bootie is below your knees
By about 7 minutes I thought I was going to die. By 11 I started whimpering. I did 5 sets of this, and now will not be able to walk tomorrow.
Then just when I thought it was over we go to the treadmill, usually my poison of choice.
10 minutes of sprints, 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off. Starting at 9.5 (6:15 mile) ending at 11.0 (I think around a 5 min mile or so) I never have had 20 seconds feel so long. I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t even yell at MFT.
Then back down to the ins and outs machines for your inner and outer thighs. Wrap a towel around the machine, sit down, then use the towel to hold yourself up while moving your legs in and out. TERRIBLE.
I was so sweaty it looked like I did Bikram. Ridiculous.
I don’t know if I am going to make bootcamp tomorrow. I seriously am in so much pain already! Whew. What a morning.
I have a 10:30 meeting that I would bet on will go over (it is supposed to end at 12) but I bet it doesn’t end until 12:30 or 1. So I am going to miss bootcamp today. So annoying. Maybe it is good if I just go to the gym and do cardio. I am walking like a stiff robot due to all the ball squats yesterday anyway….. I hate missing bootcamp.
So I walk past Elvis and the eight million people waiting outside of the Today Show to see Danielle Staub who is supposed to guest star on it today and head to the gym. MFT is already there waiting. We start out easy enough with three sets of ball crunches forward, then 3 sets of ball crunches on each side for the obliques, then evil hamstring curls with the ball. Overall not a killer terrible warm up, although hamstring curls usually suck. We then move to this crazy machine I have never used becuase I didn’t know how. It is sort of like a freemoving pull down machine. Anyway we do three sets of obliques on this machine where you keep your arms totally straight and twist from left to right or vice versa, then some pulls straight back using the same machine. I liked it. Then he tells me we are pulling out the big guns. And he brought a timer with him. And a freaking rope that is thicker than my arm and like 30 feet long. Scary. I had to do for 20 seconds 17lbs kettlebell lifts with one arm at a time (this is why we used 17lbs and not 24lbs) then 10 seconds of rest, then 20 seconds of kettle bell, 2x. Then 10 second of rest and you move to that machine where you hold yourself up and bring your legs out - you know the one for lower abs? 20 seconds of that, 10 seconds of rest and repeat. Then you have the rope. It sounds so easy. You take one end in each hand and basically play the parachute game from elemetry school where you wave it. After about 5 seconds because the rope is so heavy you want to cry. Do this for 20 seconds while MFT stands next to your ear yelling faster faster at the top of his lungs. 10 seconds of rest. Repeat. Then 20 seconds of body builders. 10 seconds of rest. Repeat. Do this entire process 4x in a row. I thought my arms were going to fall off. Literally, I almost thew up on the third round. So we have 5 minutes left and he says want to do sprint? I am thinking on the treadmill - which is my weapon of choice - so I say yes. Anything but arms. We go to the crazy stair treadmill - and he has me RUNNING SPRINT UP STAIRS. I was so sweaty, it was impossible. Talk about a good workout - I won’t feel guilty eating a cookie brownie bar or two today! Well I still will actually - but less than I normally would.
Today I went to my usual lunch time bootcamp class - it rocked today for the following reasons: 1) The warm up - had me dripping with sweat. I felt awesome because even my shoulder was sweaty which meant I was kicking it into high gear. 2) My arch nemisis was in the class and told me I looked really skinny today! WOW!!! I didn’t know what to do so I was like, um, thanks, and walked to the other side of the room. Very weird when nemisis is nice. 3) My assistant, one of the merchants, and our mailguy, all took the class too. It is nice having friends in class - so when nemisis is there I have backup. Woo hoo - day 5 in a row of working out!!!!!
I could barely get up today - I was so tired. But I dragged myself to the gym for training. Good news - MFT isn’t taking vacation in July anymore!!! So no weeks off! YAHOO!!! Bad news - it’s because his mama is sick, so please think a positive thought that his mom will be okay. Today we started out with 2 minutes of jump rope - immediatly which made me suspicious. Such an easy warm up had to mean something hard was coming later. We then move to the freaking weight vest. This is a weird vest that looks bullet proof, and has 20 lbs of weight in it. 3 sets of lunges, push ups, and the stairs. Seriously by the last set of the stairs I was like almost crawling. 20 lbs doesn’t sound like a lot, but it is. I was trying to stay positive though - I heard LL Cool J (who works out at PowerHouse in Francis Lewis Blvd in Whitestone Queens) runs 6 miles wearing a vest like this! Anyway then we moved to doing 3 sets of kettlebell swings, squats with the heavy bar to press up, and staggered planks for abs. Staggard planks are SO HARD! You can tell when you are doing them properly or not, becuase when you do them right your abs BURN like they are lit on fire from the inside! Then we moved to the TRX. I love the trx. I love the biggest loser and Jillian and Bob, and every time I see it I think of them and get pumped up. Anyway we did bridges for the bootie, and curls for the hamstrings. At the end of the 2nd set of hamstrings my legs were shaking uncontrolably. Lastly this was all leading up to the “green mile”. I kept asking what he was talking about. So we go upstairs and bring the kettlebell with us. We then walk the ENTIRE length of the gym like moving forward on the upswing. Up the length and back. Then we had to do this again, but laterally. By the end I could BARELY life the kettlebell. It was a kick ass workout and I am happy to start my Tuesday this way since I am going to enjoy delicious Italian food tonight guilt free! YAHOO!!!!!
Four pieces of pizza last night = 6.40 miles on the treadmill today. I think that is fair.
So by the time I get to the gym this morning I am already sweaty. It is so freaking humid outside! We start with the warm up of 3 minutes of jump rope. I can’t believe that I used to not be able to jump for a minute straight without messing up. Today I was trying to do crossovers and stuff like a boxer. MFT is like look I have no stuff with me (ie Kettlebells, hammers, bands, etc) so immediatly I am suspicious. I was like are we doing sprints all day (this is what he does in bootcamp when he doesn’t have time to set up the class) and he was like no, and starts walking. Sure enough all the stuff was already set up. He was like wow - I wonder who put this here? GEE I WONDER. So we have 5 stations… 1) the rope. I hate this rope. HATE IT. My shoulders are still burning 2) the TRX - my favorite! We alternanted between the 5 sets of push ups, pistols (which PS I am totally like WAY better at now!) leg curls, pull ups, and one more but I am blanking. 3) the heavy bag. MFT was like 90 lbs is not enough, I need to get them to buy a 150lbs. Um, hopefully the gym will say no to this. So squats with the heavy bag, punching the heavy bag, knees like a roundhouse kicking the heavy bag….ugh. 4) Heavy plates (25lbs) lots of various ab exercises with the plates, along with around the worlds, and woodchoppers. Ow. 5) lastly the Bosu. Oh the bosu. I have no balance so this is the worst for me. Body builders, push ups, and all kinds of sit ups with the bosu. So I made it through. Barely. By the end I was grunting like a pig and drenched in sweat - wedding shape here I come!